The Nerd Fixes: How to fix Polygon reviews

Bayonetta 2 has been reviewed by most of the major gaming sites and has gotten some pretty high marks...except from the folks over at Polygon. For some reason they have been having trouble actually reviewing a game ( Just go look at their Tropico 5 review...or don't because you don't wanna give them views but just go google it or something) and with giving Bayonetta 2 a 7.5/10 because of it's "blatant sexualization", it looks like they could use some help. Fortunately for them, I happen to be a benevolent man and I've come up with 5 tips on how to review a videogame.

Step 1: Understand The Game

This may seem like a simple thing to do but I have seen a lot of "critics" attack a game and completely miss the point of the game because they were too busy being offended by stuff. Grand Theft Auto V springs to mind when talking about not understanding a game because even though it is an exaggerated satirical mirror of America and paints no one in a positive light ( all law enforcement is corrupt, all the black people are gang members, women are largely seen as sex objects, men are sadistically violent, it goes on but you get it) , it almost always gets taken as the developers and consumers view on the world. If you are able to understand the game in terms of intent, setting, characterization and narrative it will lead you to a more accurate assessment of the game.

Step 2: Talk About The Game

Again, another "no duh" thing but yet again far too often do I see reviews that liken themselves to social commentary than the actual mechanics of the game. There is nothing wrong with social commentary when the game lends itself towards it, like Bioshock Infinite or Deus Ex, but when you start to force your beliefs into a review that's where I take issue. The job of the reviewer is to tell the consumer about the

Be more like the bottom, not the top

product and rate it by defined guidelines, not to insinuate that the consumer is a person of questionable morality if they purchase this product; that can potentially cut into a company's profit all because you had to take that moment to get on a soapbox and talk about how the game made you feel, no do not do that, never do that...that isn't what we want. Imagine if you were reading a movie review and the reviewer said the movie was terrible because there a scene that reminded them of when their dog had died...wouldn't you be wondering what the heck does that have to do with the quality of the film? Same thing goes for videogame reviews, they should pertain to the game and not include your personal biases. I cannot stress that enough, this is not the time or place to interject your social commentary into the mix...just talk about the damn game. I don't want to hear about how you felt bad in Tropico 5 because you wielded power as a dictator and that echoes the real life situation of some people, just tell me if the mechanics work...if I wanted to here about things like that I would not be visiting a videogame/tech site.

Step 3: If you must mention social issues/your feelings, don't let that get in the way

I read the Kotaku review ( yes I know they are bad but this illustrates a point) and to my sincere shock they actually reviewed the game. They did mention how it still uses some oversexualization but they didn't let that become the focus of the game or the review, they understood that it's a campy, over the top action game and took it as such. If you want to mention things that may give your readers pause, do it like that, just mention it without demonizing the game, and by extension those who play it, it shouldn't be too difficult for a writer to say something like " Bayonneta 2 delievers on it's promise as being bigger and better than it's predecessor and even if it relies on some fanservice, it's still a Platinum Game through and through in the best way possible" or something to that effect, this way the reader has some idea what to expect when buying the game and you've fulfilled your personal duty to out sexism everywhere; it's a win-win here whereas saying something like " Bayonetta 2 could have been a fantastic game but it's need to provide fanservice holds itself and it's audience back" because then you are attacking your readership indirectly, you're implying that there is something wrong with them for enjoying/purchasing a game like this since it offends your moral compass...don't do that.

Step 4: Check Yourself

Aside from the standard proofreading and editing, make sure that you are getting across what you want to convey, check to see if your tone comes off as antagonistic or pessimistic and correct that. The last thing you need is to create more pissed off gamers...seriously you don't want that again. 

Step 5: Get The Right Person For The Review

This is pretty important too, if the person reviewing the game has moral objections to it or hates the genre you need to either let the readers know beforehand or get a different writer. It is obvious to us when the reviewer has some knowledge on what they are talking about vs someone who just wants a platform to spout out some moral outrage...save those for opinion pieces. 

Ok so those are 5 steps to making a better review, you can modify it to suit your needs but this should give you a foundation in your reviews in the future.