Sunday, May 3, 2015

Super Powers That Would Actually Suck In Real Life: Super Strength


Superheroes ( and villains...we don't discriminate here) often have spectacular powers that make them gods among mortals; they can fly, shoot lasers from their eyes, run faster than light and so on, but when you really think about it a lot of their powers would suck in the real world. Let's take super strength for a minute.
It does look super cool
So you're walking around and suddenly you see someone's car break down and they need a tow; that's no problem for you at all, you just pick up the car and walk...for about 10 ft before you keel over from exhaustion. Remember, you have super strength and only that,, no other powers, so while you may be able to lift the car over your head you won't be able to maintain that forever ( I mean I can deadlift 400lbs,#humblebrag, but that doesn't mean I can walk around with 400lbs like it aint no thing) because you don't have super endurance. Oh but let's say you aren't going to have to move because OH MY GOD A BUILDING THE SIZE OF THE SEARS TOWER FELL ON YOU!!! Not to worry because you are a strong son of a bitch and can catch that building. Congratulations! You're the strongest person on Earth...or  rather I should say in earth because you have the entire weight of a building being focused on a narrow point, i.e. your legs, and the combined weight of that plus gravity means you are sinking faster than Joss Whedon's nerd approval rating. So now you're holding a building while falling into the Earth's core, hey but if you're lucky maybe the radiation will kill you before you reach that 10,800F oven.

Gotta be real picky with your partners
Of course one of the biggest drawbacks to having super strength is having to make sure it's under constant control, a real challenge seeing as staying in control when you're getting busy is no easy task. I won't get into the details but there is a lot of...involuntary reflexes...that happen that you have no control off. It would be inconsequential to us normal folk but to a person of enhanced strength it could be the difference between life of death. Who wants to constantly have to make sure they touch their partner just right or a night of passionate love making could end up landing you in jail with a murder charge? Especially dangerous for those who prefer their sessions to be as gentle as sand paper rubbing on a cactus. This not only applies to sex but also anything involving physical contact; hugs, hand holding, shaking hands, fighting, playing videogames ( imagine playing the water temple and then moving that block too early and you can't finish it so you gotta start all over...the amount of controllers broken would be astronomical).

In conclusion, it may be super awesome to be able to say "Hey, I bet you I could lift that mountain over there" and then do it, but then you'd have to worry about sinking into the Earth...not to mention have the destruction of countless ecosystems on your hands all because you wanted to impress someone. You know who isn't impressed? Mother Nature.....super strength would super suck.


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