I know this maybe seem to be in complete juxtaposition to the last post, but who cares? Anyways here are five moments where I screamed to Odin :" Father! Why have you forsaken me to this eternal torment?"...but then I remembered I'm not Thor (or I am? No I'm not because Thor is a woman and that's totally ok because <<<not a misogynist) and continued to truck on. Ok that was stupid, here we go.
5. Dodging 200 Lightning Bolts...IN A ROW ( Final Fantasy X)
Its hard for me to look at this and not have pain in my thumb
Final Fantasy X was the first Final Fantasy game to feature voice acting, the ability to switch out party members in battle and introduced the Sphere Grid System ( which is the precursor to the Crystarium of FF13). It is also the first Final Fantasy game that made me want to hope on a plane to Japan, go to Square Enix's headquarters and proceed to give everyone a sample of my version of the "Hyakuretsu Ken" ( as seen here). Seriously,what the hell FFX? You expect me to sit here and dodge 200 lightning bolts consecutively? Do you realize how annoying that is? I mean it got to the point where people were modifying their PS3 controllers( For PS2 people had to just suffer) just to do it. You guys think I'm joking? Oh and if you thought this was a one off, you'd be wrong..the "Get a 0.0.0 in the Chocobo Race" was no picnic either, and I did them both because I am a completionist in rpgs and I am also a masochist.
4. Getting the "Seriously 3.0" Achievement ( Gears of War 3)
Fun Fact: This is as close as I'll ever get to this achievement
I am not the biggest Gears of War fan ever but I did enjoy the series ( except for when people would lagswitch...or glitch out the map...or mod a game...or drop out...or block my view because they think they are the best sniper even though I had just no scoped them like 40 times in the last match) and I went into GoW3 with the mindset of completely destroying it. I saw the achievements for Gears of War 3 and at that moment my eyes read the requirement to get the Seriously 3.0 achievement. "Cliffy B has lost his f&*king mind" is what I thought to myself, I understood the previous " Seriously" achievements because they were basically " kill a lot of things" and in a game about killing it's to be expect; however, the crap you have to do for "Seriously 3.0" is far beyond any effort I ever wanted to put into that game ever. I reached level 300 and was still nowhere near close to fulfilling the requirements; let me rephrase this, I went from level 1 to 100...3 times over and I wasn't close to getting 1 achievement...just all of the no.
3. The Hakuna Matata Level ( Lion King)
F&*k these logs
This is the hardest movie game to have ever exist. I don't care what anyone says, this game was the most devious, insidious game that any child could play. If you haven't played Lion King that means your parents loved you enough not to subject you to torture. Disney Interactive ( funny how the word Die is in there...also funnier how devil also starts with "d"...wake up people!) thought it would be fun to take a children's movie and make an unforgiving platformer that would crush the souls of 5 year olds everywhere. I thought the level with the ostrich was hard, because during the 2nd part of it you get no prompts and you can't tell if it's the tree you have to duck under or double jump over, but sweet Christmas was I wrong; let me introduce you to level 6 of Lion King. This level was the last one before you became an adult, and essentially began a completely different game, and I honestly felt like I had become an adult in the sense where I realized that sometimes life just wants you to fail...repeatedly. I don't know what algorithm these logs were running but they must have been designed by Satan. What 5 year old is gonna figure out that this pattern? Why are the logs even falling at different speeds? How dare you violate physics that way? Whatever though, I beat it...like 20 years later but I beat it and no one can take that away from me.
2. The Wander Dungeon ( Star Ocean IV: A New Hope)
Not even Santa can make this a good idea
I have a love of rpgs, with a fondness for jrpgs since FF was my first intro to the genre, and I have played many in my day. Final Fantasy, Blue Dragon, Lost Odyssey, Tales series, a bit of .Hack, but Star Ocean IV stands out to me...in the worst way possible. It's a common trope for Jrpgs to have secret dungeons and superbosses and Star Ocean IV is no different, you have 2 superbosses and 2 secret dungeons you can go to. The first dungeon is pretty challenging and is a good grinding spot to get your levels up before you face Gabriel Celesete. It takes a bit of strategy but you can defeat him and you're rewarded with a feather ( you can fight him again to get more feathers) and access to the Wander Dungeon where megaboss The Ethereal Queen awaits. I say reward, but I don't mean that..at all, what you are instead treated to is a dungeon that has randomly spawning levels, constantly shifting requirements to advance, random enemies that you cannot see until you fight (which doesn't happen anywhere else in the game), and the worst part is that there is a shop where you can buy powerful weapons..oh but they cost like a million dollars and have negative stat effects. Oh did I mention that they aren't even the best weapons in the game and that they best weapons spawn randomly in chests....what the entire hell man? I don't even wanna start on that cheap ass bosses with like 6 million hp either....just nope...nope not even gonna.
1. Professor K ( DLC boss in Lost Odyssey)
This motherf*&king f*&ker
Ok yes I play a lot of rpgs, leave me alone. Anyways, here is the most unassuming pain in the ass on this list, Professor K the Kelolon in a giant mechanical robot spider like thing. As far has secret bosses go he doesn't have incredibly high hp or super powerful attacks ( nothing a well leveled squad can't handle)....but sweet merciful Zordon he has high defense. My characters were all max level, all abilities, all ultimate weapons, could kill any boss in 1 round...and that all meant squat in front of this adorable bastard. He takes a whopping 0 damage for all physical attacks ( sometimes he might take 1 from a crit if I remember correctly) so you have to rely on magic attacks. That's fine you say? You have all the powerful black magic spells? Fantastic...except he will cast reflect and if you are in the process of casting a spell...you just guaranteed yourself a game over. Let's say you do manage to get off some spells before he cast reflect, he will cast regen on himself and recover about 20k hp...per turn. The only spells worth while take about 2-3 turns to cast and only do 9,999 damage...that means even if all your characters land spell and do 49,995 total damage, by the time you launch another spell he's recovered between 40-60k hp. Not all is lost though, there are items in the dungeon that let you cast a magic spell, no matter how powerful, in 1 turn or the same turn....only catch is that the drop rate for them is like .0000000000005% and you only get it from a certain type enemy that doesn't always appear. Basically you're gonna spend time screaming at your screen while this cute, devious son of a bitch sits there laughing at you...mocking you...
Anyways that was my list, feel free to share yours...it'll be good for you...don't hold it all in.
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